Rediscovering my inner child through play

Words by Mica Keeney

There I was: now a mother, responsible for a newborn and suddenly feeling the weight of adulthood in a way I never had before. The need to be strong, reliable, and a solid anchor for this mini-me felt like a far cry from the person who had spent the past decade living freely and independently in New York City. The one who would end up at Desert 5 Spot’s Cowboy Karaoke on a Wednesday night on a whim, no questions asked.

Those first few months required an intense level of focus to figure out how to support the needs of my baby. Everything is learned from scratch. But in the depths of those early days, I was surprised by the heartfelt memories from my own childhood that started to surface. 

I was looking for music to soothe my baby and started rediscovering songs that I hadn’t heard in decades: Barney, You’re a Pink Toothbrush, Hokey Cokey, Zip A Dee Doo Dah, Circle of Life, Consider Yourself. (My Spotify Discover Weekly looks very different these days…).

And there I was, somehow singing each lyric word-for-word after 25+ years, taken back to car journeys in Spain with my mum, dad, and sister, belting out songs from whatever tape had been jammed in the glove compartment. I was reminded of endless singing performances on our family kitchen table, of being part of musicals at our local theater in London.

These were moments that I hadn’t thought about in years, and they brought a kind of magic alive in me. I’d been putting so much pressure on myself to take things more seriously now that I was a parent. But that was all rethought out after being transported back to a time of carefree fun. While I was feeling an undeniable weight to motherhood, there was also an environment being cultivated where I could reconnect with my inner child and the simple pleasures from my past.

So I leaned in and made playfulness a priority. I used my imagination, brought back games from my childhood, did puppet shows, had dance parties, played hide and seek, and peek-a-boo. One day, my husband would be Baloo the Bear scratching his back on a ‘tree’, bringing up the sweetest memory of my late dad that was so core to my childhood. Another day, I’d make up a song to a summer camp tune that I hadn’t thought about in years. 

Like most things in modern parenthood, there’s a scientific rationale or theory behind children’s play: This toy will help develop your baby's motor skills. Use these toys as sensory learning tools. All well and good, but what about just having fun? 

Even when it comes to the mundane chores, I’m trying to find more enjoyment (relative, of course!). I’ll put my baby in her high chair and we’ll dance while washing up every morning. In the wise words of Mary Poppins: In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun… and snap! The job's a game.

I’ve become the mum who takes any opportunity to squeeze in a baby class, playing the mini maracas, singing along to “One Little Finger” (obsessed), and laughing at the cheesy jokes. And yes, that was me on the slide at Grand Street playground. The last time I’d gone down one was at Burning Man, a place that celebrates play, but in the neighborhood park near me? It had always felt ridiculous. Now, though, I watch my toddler fully embracing life without inhibitions, with a zest for life and freedom to be playful, and I’m entirely inspired. That’s who I want to learn from.

In my first year of motherhood, filled with chaos, lack of control, no sleep, tears, confusion, and so much more, the power of playfulness has been a gift. It’s helped me laugh more, stress less, and reconnect with myself in a whole new way. Motherhood has grounded me in responsibility, but it has also reawakened the inner child in me. And for that, I’m endlessly grateful.

Mica Keeney is a brand consultant and founder of Keeney and Co, living in New York by way of London with her husband and baby girl, Maélie. She writes Motherhood Muses, a Substack newsletter offering inspiration for the journey of motherhood: Think chicken soup for “mommy brain.” A space to move beyond the how-tos of being a parent and into the heart of it all, where the focus shifts from your baby to you with a mix of musings, reflections, and community contributions. Alongside time with friends and family, Mica finds joy in music, DJing, sound healing, and any kind of puzzle. Read the Substack here, check out her Keeney and Co work here, or follow on Instagram here.