Getting Sticky with Erika Veurink

Photos by Julia Kokernak, Words by Emily Barasch

Online creators come in all stripes, there’s only one who merges playful whimsy; a Midwestern practicality around things like money; and genuinely fantastic taste: writer Erika Veurink. Her second-hand shopping Substack, “Long Live,” is beloved and has made an enviable jump from cult follow to mainstream obsession. 

Erika’s life in the outside world, beyond the realms of “online,” is rich, too. She consults with brands, hosts get-togethers called EV Salons, and penned a smart, hilarious romance novel, Exit Lane, that became one of fall’s runaway literary hits. (Elle magazine profiled her and the headline was, iconically: “Can Fashion Writer Erika Veurink Become the Next Nancy Meyers?”) And her latest accomplishment: her first baby, Beatrice, only six weeks old. 

Below, the hardest-working woman in—hard to pick a genre that she hasn’t deftly touched so we’ll land on—across various forms of media reflects on where she derives her hustle, the futility of parenting advice this early in the game, and doing a book tour in the third trimester. 

That Netherlands-to-the-Midwest hustle pipeline

I come from a family of very hard workers. A lot of my family works in agriculture, my dad grew up on farms. I am Dutch and the obsession with work is in my bones. I have always been like this. I probably started babysitting when I was nine and started a photography business in high school and always worked during college. Work feels good to me; it is enjoyable.

I grew up in the Midwest and a lot of my peers or friends from school were married in their very early 20s and became moms in their early 20s as well. And that was the sort of lifestyle I always assumed I would have. Even when I first moved to New York, like almost 12 years ago, I was like: Well, this is really fun, but I probably will end up moving back to Iowa and, you know, having four kids before I'm 30. 

I feel so lucky that this is what I get to do. I was kind of expecting to be a business manager at a software company or something, you know, something so outside of my zone of interest.

I’m a business, baby

I've created a financial plan for motherhood. I also worked really hard to learn how other moms who worked for themselves have done this. And there like a few key voices in my life who would have really expanded what working for yourself and being a mom could look like. And because of all of that, I felt prepared for this on the financial level. But the conversation of becoming a parent and finances, especially in New York, is so ongoing. You know, first it's childcare and then it's school and then it's, you know, getting into school. So, I'm just sort of like buckling in and kind of taking it as it comes.

But I'm really appreciative of the moms in my life who are candid about how they made choices and told me what was important to them financially. My understanding is that it all changes so fast anyway.

Book touring at 30+ weeks pregnant 

Being in the third trimester on the Exit Lane book tour was not advisable at all. It was crazy making. But the book was originally supposed to come out in March. I thought I timed it really well and then they were like, "We're pushing it. Fall is a bigger season. There's sort of this academic angle with the book. We want it to come out in September." And luckily, like none of the moms in my life were honest with me about how I would feel at 33 weeks pregnant. They were all just like, "You got it, girl." And it really wasn't until my last stop in the book tour when I was taking the train back from DC and I think I was 36 weeks pregnant at that point where I was like: How the hell did I do this? But I was running off of adrenaline prior to that. I was really excited and grateful and luckily I like oversized clothing.

On her daughter one day reading her book

Unfortunately, I love romance and I think it's a genre I'll be in for a while. When I first started [Exit Lane], I really was open to it being a one-off and maybe something I wouldn't talk to my daughter about, but I grew up in a culture where sex was such a popular conversation in terms of chastity and purity.

I would so much rather be talking to my daughter about sex through the lens of: Yes, I wrote a book with sex scenes in it, and it's two adults who potentially love each other, who are engaging in this consensually, and you know, I hope you do the same thing outside of marriage someday. But practicing like talking to my mom about it or even my grandma was funny. My grandma was like, "You wrote a mystery." And I was like, "It's not a mystery. It's a sex, romance novel.” I think being straightforward about it is my hope with my daughter, but we'll see. She might be supremely embarrassed.

Six weeks in…

I'm someone who loves a routine and loves structure, a container and a system. The past six weeks have been anything but that. Being a planner and a mom of a newborn is not a perfect fit, it turns out. It’s like a spiritual exercise. I feel like she's my little monk, teaching me every day to just slow down, that it's not that important, and it doesn't have to be perfect. And you know, you can't really get ahead of every possible outcome. I kind of have to remind myself I have the tools to make it through the next hour. And what that looks like, I might not know, but I'll do it and it'll be fine.

So, I’m trying so damn hard to be present and wherever I am, letting myself sink into it fully. So, if I'm at work or if I can sneak away and write for 30 minutes at a hotel, really trying to to exercise the full extent of that part of my brain and then when I'm with my daughter, trying so hard to quiet the to-do list and tell myself she's smiling at me, even though it's involuntary muscle spasms at this point. But I think I was talking to my best friend about it yesterday and she encouraged me to view this as a novel experience and not as the way things will be forever. She was like: If you were an astronaut, in space, you'd be like I survived one more day in space. Like how great is that?

It's hard when you're really passionate about your work and your work is your hobby and your interest. So sometimes it does sometimes it feels good for me to put her down and work on my Substack. Other times I'm like I wish I could read like my reading time has definitely diminished since she was born. Um, but let's assume my work is finished. I've gotten really into crime TV shows. That feels really calming to me.

Opting out of feeding noise

With feeding, I've been really lucky that it is straightforward but I am combo feeding and the conversation around feeding with other moms can be hard. Feeling like there's judgment even if people are just trying to be helpful. There’s also internal judgment around: Okay, I could give her a bottle or I could feed her. Which is better? The feeding thing, I think, is way more complicated than I expected. It reminds me of getting married because my therapist was like, "Everyone's going to bring their own relationship to marriage, to your wedding." I couldn't believe the ways in which that happened. And I feel like I'm experiencing the same thing all over again.

But I do feel like: No one knows my baby like me and I'm like, she's fine.

Preventive mental health measures, we love

I've been really consistent with therapy for like the last six years and that's felt nice even postpartum to stick to our Thursday 11:00 a.m. slot. I'm on anti-depressants and that's something I adjusted even higher before I started trying to get pregnant because I have a family history of postpartum depression. It felt really good to be proactive in that. I have a lot of new mom friends and I have one mom friend specifically who gave birth three months before me to a daughter and it's been so helpful for someone to just be like a smidge further along and be like: it does get a little easier. You know, I remember seeing photos of her baby and being like: She's so big and healthy and it's like okay, Beatrice will get bigger and sturdier like her.

Mom-to-daughter realness 

[I took these measures after] a really connective conversation with my mom. Obviously, when I was a kid, that wouldn't have been an appropriate conversation, but [in recent years] she was able to be really candid about her experience with postpartum, with medication, and what she wished she had done differently. She was really the only person besides my psychiatrist and my therapist that I talked to about it because it's one of those things that, you know, people have opinions about. Being able to hear from her and trust my own intuition meant a lot. 

These past six weeks have been hard, but they've also been, I think, supremely altered by all the precautions I took before. It really makes me wonder what it would feel like to go into this without the support of medication or mental health professionals. So, I'm proud of myself for doing that. And I think that would be my encouragement to anyone who's on the fence about exploring options before getting pregnant.

Motherhood = content? 

I'm not super keen on showing my daughter on social, so that also makes me a bad candidate [for pursuing mom content]. I don't really post my husband either. My big effort in turning 30 this year is simplicity. Like where can I streamline? Where can I take away decisions? And this felt like a really obvious choice.

 
It's just easier for me if I don't post her versus, well, this brand approached me and they want to pay me this much to post her. I was like: This is easy. My husband's kind of a private person and he agreed. And I didn't know how I would feel about it. But I feel great. I posted photos when she was born and was like, "She's here. She's healthy.” Now I'm just sending all of my group chats photos all the time.

[In terms of content I consume] I want to hear my mom advice from a mom of three, in her sixties who has raised well-adjusted children.  I think I'd be a horrible candidate for [giving] mom advice. But you know, scrolling Tik Tok during a nighttime feed, I'm very grateful for mom content creators when I'm trying to release constipation from my six-week old. 

Bedtime reading lol

I'm Midwestern and I'm a really pragmatic person and unfortunately I'm like maybe once we get in the double digits of weeks I'll be more engaged. I tried to do one of those contrast fold out books with her like a week ago and I just felt insane. I'm like: You're not even looking at the book. Like, you're just drooling like looking at the wall. We can revisit this.

Beatrice’s wardrobe >>> 

She's so spoiled. It's very lucky, but this girl's got a massive closet and I'm just along for the ride. When I was first pregnant, I bought a onesie at the Sunset Tower and was ordering all these baby clothes. And now I'm kind of like: Listen, she's healthy. I don't really care what she's wearing. She looks great in everything. I feel like once the spit up is more under control, I'll be compelled to shop more. I have this five pack of ribbed onesies, long sleeve from Gap, and I just kind of roll through those. But my best friend is a huge thrifter and she's Beatrice's godmother. So, she will send me packages of thrifted onesies and outfits, which has been really sweet.

Postpartum wardrobe <<<

I'm definitely in it still. I think there's this sort of compulsion that if you love fashion, you love collecting, you get this impulse maybe every six to nine months where you're like, I want to turn over. I want to curate my closet and get rid of all the excess. And I'm feeling that. But the reality with my body, you know, things just fit differently.

Sneak peak into book two

Here’s what I can say. It’s a full length romance novel with full-court-press-level chemistry. 

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