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Melanie Robinson is a psychotherapist who specializes in Internal Family Systems Therapy. She is devoted to helping her clients heal attachment wounds and empowers individuals to build inner harmony and achieve lasting well-being.
I recently experienced a miscarriage at 14 weeks. I am feeling so fragile. I would love advice on how to handle the onslaught of happy family social media posts, insensitive family members, etc.
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can be gentle with yourself as you navigate this grief. When you next open a social media platform, can you take a moment to reflect on how being on it feels? Consider whether you have the time and space to care for yourself if you come across posts that might be upsetting. What could that care look like for you?
I can imagine that the thoughts, beliefs or emotions these posts bring up are ones worth looking at and tending to. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel exactly as you do. Take some deep, slow breaths—in through your nose and out through your mouth. Perhaps you consider taking a break from social media altogether. You don’t have to delete your account but it could be helpful to delete the app for a day or two and see how that makes you feel.
You might also find comfort in reflecting and journaling, talking to someone you trust, or connecting with a pregnancy loss support group. Grieving in isolation is incredibly hard; identifying who can offer consistent support can make a difference. Even the most well intentioned loved ones, in an attempt to make us feel better, can end up saying something insensitive. It can feel disappointing and hurtful when people don’t respond to our emotional pain the way we need.
Consider the kind of support you need and who you want to ask for it. If it feels okay, you can let family members know what kinds of responses feel ok and what do not. You may have to be direct and say something like “I can imagine you are just trying to help when you say ______, but it hurts. What I really need is for you to tell me you hear how sad I am.” The exact verbiage might look different for you. Change this line in a way that is most helpful for your individual needs.