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Melanie Robinson is a psychotherapist who specializes in Internal Family Systems Therapy. She is devoted to helping her clients heal attachment wounds and empowers individuals to build inner harmony and achieve lasting well-being.
It feels like my boomer MIL judges everything we do. If my kid has tantrums it’s because of her perceiving my parenting as “too gentle,” etc. Would love advice on navigating holidays under the watchful eyes of the older generation.
It’s so hard to feel judgement of any kind and it’s especially hard to feel judgment about how you parent. What's most important is that you, your partner and your kid are good with your parenting choices.
Depending on your comfort and the quality of the relationship you have with a family member, it can be helpful to share what it’s like for you to feel judged by them. If family members are receptive to feedback, maybe something different can happen in your relationship.
Whether or not a family member is able to shift their behavior, there are things we can do to take care of ourselves during difficult moments over the holidays.
With young children it might not feel like there is ever time to focus on yourself, but even tuning into your inner world for a minute can help.
I recommend trying new coping strategies before emotions reach their peak intensity. That means, whenever possible, take time to care for yourself as soon as you notice tension arising within you. Notice any shift in your physiology, like your body temperature heating up, changes to your heartbeat or muscle tension. Be curious about what is happening for you and what feelings are coming up. Give yourself some internal acknowledgement and validation that this is a difficult moment. If you need a little more inspo, Kristen Neff has some great mindful self compassion practices. (https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/)
Just like kids need their parents to see and hear them when they feel upset, us adults really benefit from a caring, understanding inner voice that's validating of our experience.
http://melanierobinsonlcsw.com/