Getting Sticky With Nikki DeRoest

Photos by Kurt Narmore, Words by Anamaria Glavan

Ciele Cosmetics has gained a cult following for their approach to cosmetics: simple but effective, buildable with a barely-there feel. One swatch of their tinted serum and you’re likely to ask, where the hell has this been all my life? It’s obvious that the brains behind the brand—celebrity makeup artist and co-founder, Nikki DeRoest—knows what she’s doing. 

The key to Nikki’s professional and personal success have been lessons in adaptability. The listen and don’t judge mantra is one she has applied to her own way of walking through the world, whether it be divorce or the dissolution of her first brand, Roen. Her belief? “Challenges bring on learnings and muscle memory, and things that used to be really hard start to get easier.” 

Below, Nikki reflects on the upside of hardship, her Mormon upbringing (she is no longer in the church but remains adamant on the power of community and spiritual exploration), and how wedding vows are not nearly as binding as the covenant of parenthood. 

Joining the club at 40

It was like, okay, I'm 40… I've got a great career. Things are happening, but what else is there? Where's the, I don't know, the joy? It's like you can have all these nice things and you can have all these achievements in your career, but really what inspires me and really what touches me is being around kids. There is such a pure joy of watching things through their eyes, and so I would notice that a lot being around my friends. Any time I was feeling down, I knew being around kids would uplift me and kind of recalibrate my brain with whatever I was going through. That’s when I started thinking, yeah we should do this…

It’s interesting coming into pregnancy and motherhood at 40 because I feel like I'm joining this club that I never was a part of ever. Suddenly, you have this commonality, with not every single woman, but I'd say 95% of women out there. It's almost like you can just look at each other and there's this exchange. It’s such a cool icebreaker—everywhere I go it's like you have something to talk about. I don't know what I'm going to do when I don't have a pregnant belly…

No such thing as the “right” way

Growing up Mormon, the tradition of motherhood is kind of embedded into who you are. I started babysitting at age 10, so in that regard, I’ve always been comfortable around kids. The typical path is getting married and then starting a family, and I entered my first marriage at 20. But even back then, I was so paranoid about getting pregnant that I was on birth control in addition to condoms because I was so career-focused. I found myself asking, Why are people having kids? Is this something that they really want, or do they just not think outside of the box? I’ve always been an outsider in my own community in that way. 

I never felt pressured, though. My parents always told me that they just wanted me to be happy. I don't think that they ever expected that I would have children because I always kind of marched to the beat of my own drum and did my own thing. But it is interesting—I look at a lot of the people that I hung around with when I was 20 and their kids are already grown up and I'm just starting. I wouldn't change it though. I have no issue with being an “older parent.” I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way.  And I mean, in my early 30s, I was so focused on body and image. The whole flow and ease and grace of pregnancy would not be the same for me in my early 30s as it is now. 

Stress is unavoidable, don’t let it cause more stress

Challenges bring on learnings and muscle memory, and things that used to be really hard start to get easier.  Stress is always concerning because you think, is this going to affect the baby? My personality and my mentality is that Jude is my strength, my life source, my buddy. We're in this together. I'm growing a really strong, tough boy in there that can handle adversity. That’s my spin on it. 

That’s been a really interesting element of this pregnancy. I'm stressed all the time, though I can somehow manage it. If it’s Friday, I think, This is set-aside time for myself or we're out with friends and I can really shut my brain off.

When you're an entrepreneur, it is what it is. It's never straight. You have to navigate your mental attitude of how you're going to look at things. And I've gotten stronger and better at it with more hardships and experiences. 

I'm able to compartmentalize by scaling how catastrophic things are, and hopefully translate that into parenting. And listen, I've never done this before, so this is just all assumption. But for the newborn phase: if you're able to compartmentalize that you have eight weeks that are going to be very tough, you’ll be able to get through it knowing it won’t last forever.

And when it comes to me feeling insecure about not knowing what I'm doing, I think back to how my parents had three kids under 30 and they figured it out. They didn't have the internet and they didn't have all of the tools and tricks and things that we have. That makes me feel at ease. 

Learning from Roen, launching Ciele 

The first makeup brand I started was Roen in 2018. I lost the brand because of a bad operating agreement and not knowing how to set myself up legally in the beginning with the right investors and partners. It was my first baby, my first experience launching what could have been a very successful brand, and it was taken away abruptly. But that’s why I have Ciele. I took learnings from the first brand and was able to implement it in the second one. Still not perfect, there's still kinks in it. 

Ciele is now in all Sephora doors, and we’re expanding into endcaps, growing from one shelf to a full brand expression in-store. It’s growing at a steady pace which is exactly what I want—nothing out of control, just slow and steady.

“I do” is not as binding, actually 

I've always been career-focused. Growing up surrounded by religion and tradition, there were years when I distanced myself from those expectations and took on a more “we’ll see” mentality. I told myself that if I took that step and had kids, I would need a partner who wanted it as much or even more than I did. 

And then I started thinking, Okay, I'm 40. I've got a great career. Things are happening, but what else? You can have all these nice things and you can have all of these achievements in your career, but really what inspires me is being around kids. There is such a pure joy of watching things through their eyes. Anytime I was feeling down, being around friends with children would uplift me and recalibrate my brain. 

Kurt and I were backwards in that we started a family before we had a wedding. Bringing a child into the world is a much bigger commitment to someone than a wedding vow in my eyes. And I don't think we've even scratched the surface of our relationship yet. I can picture him being a father, and nothing makes me fall in love with him more than that idea right now. It’s such a beautiful thing. 

And meeting Kurt was a huge shift. Finding someone who’s also an entrepreneur and truly understands what it takes to run a company has been so important. A lot of partnerships wouldn’t work because of that, but he fully gets it and respects it.

On religious curiosity and exploration 

I'm really open in the world of religion, and my dad wants to give Jude a blessing. Great. Give them all the blessings in the world. I'm not opposed to that. Kurt is Catholic and wants to get him christened. Let's do it. I don't think that there's any reason to not let him have all of the experiences. It's like when we go to Asia and there's temples, let's go pray at a temple. When my parents are around and they want to go to church, if they want to take him, that's fine. I don't care. But for me personally, I don't see myself going back to just having a kid and incorporating a full religious culture back into my life.

Obviously I watched Secret Lives of Mormon Wives because it’s good TV, but the way these women behave and present themselves is so far from the teachings of Mormonism—whether it’s drinking, morality, self-expression, or even how they dress. Unfortunately, I think really strict organized religion can sometimes breed that kind of rebellion. These are the “rebel Mormons” who feel like they’ve been repressed their whole lives, so now they’re promoting vibrators on Instagram because it feels naughty or exciting to go against conservative teachings.

And there's nothing wrong with promoting those types of things of course, but it makes me sad because it shouldn’t feel so scandalous. There’s always the group that gives any religion a bad rep—and listen, for the most part, I think everyone's just living to live their lives, find their version of what God is, and what brings them peace and comfort. 

“Okay, psycho, relax”

When Kurt and I decided to get pregnant, we conceived on the first try. I'd go over to my friend's house and to their husband, I'd be like, I'm pregnant! And they’d ask how far along, and I’d be like, five weeks, and they're all, okay, psycho, relax. But it’s so shocking! Then we went to the five week fetal scan, and there was no pulse. My doctor gave me the option of how I wanted to pass the baby because of my lifestyle and I wanted to do a D&C. That was really a great experience for me. It was also kind of crazy because it was like I saw her on Wednesday, had the surgery on Friday, and was back on set by Monday. It’s hard to walk into something after you've gone through this crazy thing and just be normal, but what surprised me is that the feelings and grief came strongly about eight weeks after. It really helped to talk about it. Every person I told that I had a miscarriage – I think maybe 80 percent of them had one too. It made me feel less alone. What was beautiful about that entire experience was that it really solidified the fact that I wanted to be a parent. 

We listen and we don’t judge (anymore)

I used to judge people that got divorced all the time until I went through it. Sometimes you go through experiences in life that are meant to increase your empathy for other people. I definitely felt that with my divorces, with my hardships, with my business. Once you've experienced some shit, you can put yourself in other people’s shoes and see things in a different way. It’s a beautiful thing. 

A different kind of pregnancy craving / …I was never like that before 

The most interesting thing about getting older is craving the things I did in childhood. Craving a suburb, wanting to slow down, wanting to be a little bit more traditional but not necessarily in a religious way. It's not like I want to go back to Mormonism; what I think I’m craving is simplicity. 

I've had plenty of fun nights at Sunset Tower and all these places and it's there and I know that it exists.  But really, I like my 8 o'clock watching The Voice or watching Deal or No Deal and going to Whole Foods and grabbing a bite or getting an ice cream and coming home. That feels really good to me right now which is shocking, because I was never like that before. 

Nikki’s shopping cart faves:

Sofie Pavitt Omega Rich Moisturizer

https://go.shopmy.us/p-16607554

Bio Oil for the belly

https://go.shopmy.us/p-16607619

Tower 28 Mascara

https://go.shopmy.us/p-16607661

Roz Hair Milk Serum

https://go.shopmy.us/p-16607743

Oslo Skin Lab Collagen

https://osloskinlab.com/products/the-solution?selling_plan=690820776249

Body By Shila Lymphatic Massage (LA)

https://www.instagram.com/shilabeautycenter/